My Concept of Men and Money.
I have no scientific or research information to give you on the subject of men and money. I have only my experience to share on this subject.
As boys, our mother would have us sell fruits from the trees in our yard to make what we called “pocket change”. From the sales, she would ask us to bring the money to her. She gave us what, in her discretion was enough for us to use for ourselves and kept the rest. Admittedly, at times we felt uncomfortable with that arrangement.
I found out later, that mom did not spend the money, but she saved it. When we went to ask for money for sporting equipment or to attend a school event, it was our money she returned to us.
When we left school and began working, our mother expected us to contribute financially to the household. This again was a struggle for some of us to accept, but we did it anyway and one of the reasons was because our father would not have it any other way. He was in her corner.
As grown men now, we admit that we all naturally trust our wives with money and we feel that came from the actions of our mother regarding money. We also trusted her with our money because she was judicious with its use.
Some of my male friends with whom I attended school would say that they find it difficult to give money to their spouses. I also realized it was never inculcated into their growing up years. I am in no wise saying in this article that men MUST give over their money to their women to manage. I said in previous articles that in some cases men are thriftier than some women. I am saying that we need to become comfortable with sharing what we have, including our money with our spouses and that must start in our growing up years.
I heard the son of a friend of mine offering to give his mother a sum of money he got from a recent job he did. His mother said to him “Son, save your money to buy what you want. I don’t need your money.” I wondered if that is where it may start where some men assume that their money is for them to buy what they want and their spouses “don’t need” their money
Do we as parents unconsciously train our boys one way and expect them to become men, with a different behavior?
Michael A.T. Stewart for online and face-to-face private and confidential counseling and professional development programs
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